My greatest convictions

Into the Fog from Coat of Arms on Vimeo.

One of my greatest convictions is this - my security in life should be in God instead of something that won’t last.

Gaining this conviction didn’t come overnight but through a series of heartbreaks over the years. Though I’ve never dated before, I believe a heartbreak is still a heartbreak, no matter how extensive, how dramatic it may or may not have been. I believe everyone has similar experiences, be it losing a close friend, a treasured pet, a dear family member or a desired relationship.

I found myself questioning why God allowed heartbreaks to happen to me. Thoughts such as "Am I not pretty enough?", "Am I not smart enough?", "Am I not worthy to be loved?" would come to mind and the only way I could deal with them was to avoid and fill myself with distractions. It became harder as I got older, people started coming up to me asking “why are you not dating?“, as if it's a wrong I’ve done.

Battling these thoughts was hard. I realised I hold these thoughts close to my heart because I am putting a tremendous amount of security in them. So much so that I subconsciously developed a mindset that only if I am loved by someone, or finds me pretty, that I am worthy of love.

I realised however, things or people on this earth would not last. Nothing on this Earth can truly make me feel loved. 
I can’t say I am always fully secure in God, or want to remain single for all my life, but I truly believe that I am not defined by a relationship or any other thing for that matter.

Honestly, I really believe that I am only able to develop such convictions as I’ve experienced a love far greater than any other love I can experience from others. A love that embraces my flaws. A love for who I truly am inside. A love beyond human understanding. A love that I can put my whole security in. A love that will last! God’s love!

I believe that where I am today has been a journey, one that still continues. Days come when I still let the words of others define who I am, yet I’m grateful that I’m not alone as God has provided me with people around with the same convictions. I believe it is only possible through understanding God’s own personal love story one step at a time!

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