My Greatest Conviction
The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied.”
- Proverbs 13:4
My greatest conviction is to be diligent in my relationship with God.
Since I was a child, I loved trying new things, but was not one to persist in anything. When the going became tough (or boring), I would move on to the next thing. I was fuelled by instant gratification and would simply avoid things I could not overcome. This naturally bled into my discipleship and during the first 5 years, I could not last more than 3 months trying to intentionally work on a spiritual goal. There were many times I let myself get away with a sloppy quiet time, or half-hearted prayer.
For the past 2 years, I saw myself getting lukewarm in my faith. I realised I had taken my relationship with God for granted. It dawned on me that having my faith and values shaken was not out of the question. During that time, it was also easy for me to adopt the sinful perspectives I had before becoming a disciple. At first, it felt like I had more freedom and time to do whatever I wanted, but eventually all that was meaningless to me. Whatever I thought I enjoyed and gave me joy were short-lived.
At the beginning of this year, I decided that I had wasted enough time doing things my way. I wanted to experience the joy and peace that everyone says they experience with God. I decided to put in effort to be diligent in my relationship with God. This meant consistent and intentional prayers, quiet times, being vulnerable about my struggles with the community and constant reflection. Though it was initially difficult to maintain, I am glad I have been diligent for the past 6 months and will strive to continue to do so. Through this, I have indeed experienced peace and joy in spite of hardships, gratitude in my daily life and love from God and the community. Talking and connecting to God has become much easier. My thoughts and desires have started to align more and more with His. The best thing I have gained from this is that whenever I go to God about an issue I have, I always end up getting a fresh new perspective!